Gratitude

Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for life & for being a woman. I have so many beautiful & amazing women friends and family. On top of that, I also get to work with really amazing women too. Tonight we worked with these wives of Marines who were injured in Afghanistan. It's incredible to me what people can go through. It's amazing to me what people can endure and what the human spirit can face and how joy and love can win out in the end.
I've been thinking lately of the things I need- the things a woman needs. There's a song about Passionate Kisses & it goes a little something like that! Really though, a comfortable bed that won't hurt my back, food to fill me up, warm clothes, and all that stuff... and passionate kisses from you!!! We need sunshine and freedom, we need love and support, we need babies to hold and we need time to ourselves, we need warm bubble baths & glasses of wine, we need fresh air to breathe, we need good friends and family and I really do think we need passionate kisses as well. We should all have a hand to hold & someone to love who loves us in return.
I've been reading in Meditations from the Mat about Brahmacarya -moderation, balance... essentially! And that when we follow that voice in our heart that leads us in balance with total faith- we reach our full potential! And in a you tube video my friend sent me- Sean Corn talks about empowering ourselves and other women- we lift ourselves up so we can lift each other up. "The Universe has conspired to empower us!"
There is a woman who just started working with us- she has 2 daughters and recently broke up with her boyfriend who was cheating on her. She doesn't have a car & takes the bus- which stops running about 2 hours before she gets off work. She's so pretty and super sweet and you just know she's been through some shit. She doesn't have many friends here or much support & she's struggling financially... like we all are. But looking at her tonight- I see so many women. I see all of us who think we aren't worthy because some dude told us so. I see those of us who think we aren't capable or smart enough or pretty enough or just plain good enough... because some dude told us so. Or some jealous girl. Either way- all those not enough's come from fear. And there are 2 things- there is fear & there is love. So, can we please, for the love of love, choose love! Love for ourselves and love for each other. Women and men alike- we're all souls on a journey and we're all deserving of greatness- we all know unconditional love- on some spiritual level at least. Can we please be the love and support each other needs? The thing that will destroy us all is the distance between us! So let us reach out and help each other and hold each others hands and walk with each other in freedom and joy and love.
So back to what this woman needs- she needs love and she's got it! When we practice gratitude we are reminded of all that we have. We are such blessed people. I think everyone on this Earth can say at least one thing they are grateful (some of us are far more blessed & can think of many) and when you can start with one thing... more will come. It's often a choice & a perspective. Don't get me wrong- I know there are tough things, tough times, again... what the soul can endure amazes me. But even in the toughest of times- if we can remind ourselves of at least one thing to be grateful for, we can begin to come back to life- to grow. And that gratitude gives us confidence and that lets us better love ourselves and each other and that can heal the whole world.
So go on now, give me one thing you're grateful for...

Changes

Well it's been over a year. My baby met her "daddy", we moved to California, and I turned 30. A lot of really big changes! Yet as I read over my last entry... it pretty much sums it all up! So, where to start? Or, where to go from here? I'm writing again thanks to a suggestion from my best friend who's brilliant so i thought- what the hell... I'll try again!
My daughter has changed and grown so much as has our relationship. She's a genius and the most amazing human I've ever met. I love living in California. Minus the business, how insanely expensive it it, the smog, and the fact that I don't have any family nearby. I also love being 30. Though, as I near 31- my throat gets a little tight & my body aches a bit more! I feel like I'm finally starting to come into myself... finally! I'm starting to be ok with me! I even like me! Sometimes, it feels like I'm the only one but I'm certain that's not true! I still haven't met the love of my life (as in a male partner) and I wait & look for him everyday the same way I check into Soul Scapes every day to see if they've finally gotten my favorite incense in yet.
I did meet an amazing woman & chiropractor in Del Mar. She's helped us both with our physical health but also with our/ my emotional health! I've been doing more yoga ...not as much as I should seeing as to how I live in one of the great yoga meccas of the US! But, doing more yoga- reading more, trying to be patient with myself, be generous & compassionate & understanding and through all the bullshit- love.
The 'shoulds' -why 'should' we do or not do anything- ever?! And the being patient with ourselves... this is so huge. We're so patient with other people in our lives... mostly with small children and animals- but why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we place limits on ourselves when we should break wide open and flow freely like the ocean? Why are we all so scared? How do we connect with one another or stay connected with fear in the way? How do we shift all this pointless fear into love- into something good we can do or be? There is a quote by Brian Andreas (who I love) :"I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts- but they needed constant attention and one day I decided I had better things to do." I still give those dark thoughts more attention than they deserve! But, hey- I'm working on it!!! I'm so fed up with dudes. I try so hard to stay positive but it's one moron after another!! Harsh, i know but pulease... it's ridiculous! Then, of course, I have to look at who I am and what I portray and why the same cycles continue. It recently dawned on me though- thanks to a conversation with a good friend- that there are nice people in the world. I had forgotten & that's weird because my friends and family are really nice people. But, I forget that there are good, honest people who want to be there- to help- to listen- to walk along the same path- to share a good conversation... i think they're all selfish assholes! ...I may have just answered my own question!!;) I have to keep believing people are good.
Ok, so- one day at a time... this is the way change happens- one small step and then another. and, when there are things we're unhappy with- we must do what we can to change them, or to change our perspective but change is constant so must we continuously keep moving- as slowly or subtly as we may... keep going.
I'll try to write something every day- mostly to keep myself off facebook & do something productive!;) At least 3 times a week... I promise!