It's been a long weekend and we've been sick. Thank goodness some neighbors/friends invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday so we actually got some good food! Thanksgiving came and we just vegged! Friday came & I had to go to work because well, we need the money! But, I got off early- god answered my prayers! Exhausted, we walked through the door. Jillian said- I want make cookies for dinner. Now, I know better. A.) she's 2- I can tell her no! B.) when feeling ill- one should mostly avoid sugar! C.) it was nearing bedtime & I was tired! Regardless... I thought- yeah, lets make some cookies! So we did and it was mostly fun for the first little bit but then she got over-tired & cranky & needed to go to bed, so did I! A friend stopped by for a second to borrow something & looked at the mess & the screaming child & then looked at me like "what are you doing?" And the first thing that came to my mind & out of my mouth was... "I guess I just don't know what I'd do without a mess to clean up."
And then I thought about this...
And then I nearly cried! I think it's true though. I keep going & going. I certainly didn't NEED to bake cookies or make another mess. I NEEDED to get my child inside, feed her dinner, give her a bath, and put her to bed early. Instead, I added a mess. Don't get me wrong- I Love baking with my daughter- but there's a time & a place!!
So then I thought back to about 3.5 years ago when this all started! His name starts with an E & I've been trying to clean up that mess for years now. It's added stress. I think I go looking for it and invite it in. I have trouble sitting still anymore. I have trouble making it through a yoga class thinking about my body or postures or breathing because my mind is racing. I think I use it as a distraction of sorts- I create messes to keep me from doing the things that really matter- the important stuff. Because making side messes is a good way to keep from going forward when things are scary. It's kind of like making up excuses.
On the one hand- I can make sense of this. On the other hand- I'm ready to get it together- to move forward, to give up making unnecessary messes. I'll save baking cookies for a Sunday afternoon or a rainy day! I'll put my energy to good use. I re-learn to quiet my mind again, to be present with my daughter! I am learning (again) the importance of holding dear what is sacred. We must hold close the things we value the most. Life is going to get fuzzy sometimes or hairy or just not a lot of fun. But instead of hiding from it, eating yourself into a food-coma, cracking out on excess sugar & caffeine, zoning out on movies and other mindless activities- we must push ourselves forward. We must not forget that we are beautiful & fabulously & purposefully made. We must find that fire inside, feed that flame, and shine as bright as the sun... because that's what we were meant to do! Sometimes we need the rest & that should be honored. But to be lazy and hide- that's something different.
So stop- take a look around. Go clean up the messes you've made. Take a long bath, read your new yoga magazine, try a short sequence, get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Seize it!
life. soul. love. heart. philosophy. food. babies. yoga. healing. nature. hope. travel. sparkles. plant-based nutrition. community. togetherness. growth. acceptance. authenticity. safety. vulnerability. peace.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Faith... don't leave me now
Today has been a doozie! We had a nice weekend- a weekend to finally relax & re-group and settle in a little bit.
Today started out sunny & warm & took a quick change to cold & dark ...a bit like my mood!!
I'm just feeling overwhelmed by how easy it is for people to take the easy route. I had a situation with a dude- I thought we were friends, we talked, we hung out, we did things that 'friends' just don't do (but that's a blog for another time... or perhaps it fits into this blog perfectly because it's a story of me giving in to a few moments of pleasure for months of dissatisfaction and then somehow expecting respect in the end... so actually- maybe this ties it all together.. same basic point- different stories.) and then he played the "if I ignore her maybe she'll go away" card. It's fine- many have played that card & I get it. But then to come back & think you haven't done anything wrong and that we're suddenly cool again and worst of all that I'd sleep with you again... now that's just straight up stupid & disrespectful. So I could get into the parts of this situation that are my fault & how I need to further examine the cycles or patterns in my life & how I need to treat myself with more respect if I expect it from others. But, I'm not going to because, well, this is my blog and I have other points to make here!
My main point is- how have we gotten so far from the truth. How have we gotten to the point where it's ok to treat people like they don't matter- like they don't deserve a conversation or your honesty. How have we gotten to the point where we go through life making seriously selfish choices that will only hurt in the end? To follow your heart and do what's right for you is one thing- what I'm talking about is something totally different.
And then there's my sister who called me about an ethical or moral dilemma. She started by saying-"I don't want you to judge me, I just want you to hear me out. I've already made the decision, I just need to run it by you." What she's actually considering isn't that big of a deal when you think about it but the bottom line is that it's illegal and there would be some serious consequences to pay if someone would find out. So I heard her out. And like I said- it doesn't sound like that bad of a gig & she would make money fast & she's in desperate need of money right now. So, I told her I thought she should decline the offer but I figure she wouldn't and I'd love her either way. But as I hung up & thought about it more I thought- by doing this, you would be jeopardizing yourself & your future, you'd be disrespecting your family and your parents who love you & paid for you to go through school, you'd be doing something you knew was wrong because the price was right. There are things (and I know I'm guilty) we talk ourselves into or convince ourselves are not that bad because we really want to do them. Especially if the price is right, if the money is good, it's easier to convince ourselves. So at what point do we stand our moral ground? How do we get to the point where we stand firm in what we believe & choose to do what's right because it's right- not easy, just right? Actually- how do we get away from that?
I can't stop listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq3BYw4xjxE&feature=share
We Are the Many by Makana
As I listen I think what a predicament our country is in. We live in a world filled with people striving for money and power- a world filled with people who would do just about anything if the price were right. We lose our morals because we'd rather have the money.
So, perhaps it's a matter of having a conversation you should have, of treating someone with respect, of making a smarter choice, of saying no because you know in your heart it's wrong, whatever the case may be- big or small. I encourage you (and me) to take a look at what's really important to us and how do we stand firm in what we believe and live our lives so that the words we speak match our actions.
As my heart breaks because of this madness & sadness, I try to remain faithful. I think of the many blessings in my life. I think of my little girl & the purity in her heart. I look at the turkeys we made with our hands & listed all the things we're thankful for. I think of my dear friends and their love and the really positive things happening in the world... like laughter and friendship and bubbles and colors and new babies being born!:) There's no amount of money that could compare to the way these things make me feel.
Today started out sunny & warm & took a quick change to cold & dark ...a bit like my mood!!
I'm just feeling overwhelmed by how easy it is for people to take the easy route. I had a situation with a dude- I thought we were friends, we talked, we hung out, we did things that 'friends' just don't do (but that's a blog for another time... or perhaps it fits into this blog perfectly because it's a story of me giving in to a few moments of pleasure for months of dissatisfaction and then somehow expecting respect in the end... so actually- maybe this ties it all together.. same basic point- different stories.) and then he played the "if I ignore her maybe she'll go away" card. It's fine- many have played that card & I get it. But then to come back & think you haven't done anything wrong and that we're suddenly cool again and worst of all that I'd sleep with you again... now that's just straight up stupid & disrespectful. So I could get into the parts of this situation that are my fault & how I need to further examine the cycles or patterns in my life & how I need to treat myself with more respect if I expect it from others. But, I'm not going to because, well, this is my blog and I have other points to make here!
My main point is- how have we gotten so far from the truth. How have we gotten to the point where it's ok to treat people like they don't matter- like they don't deserve a conversation or your honesty. How have we gotten to the point where we go through life making seriously selfish choices that will only hurt in the end? To follow your heart and do what's right for you is one thing- what I'm talking about is something totally different.
And then there's my sister who called me about an ethical or moral dilemma. She started by saying-"I don't want you to judge me, I just want you to hear me out. I've already made the decision, I just need to run it by you." What she's actually considering isn't that big of a deal when you think about it but the bottom line is that it's illegal and there would be some serious consequences to pay if someone would find out. So I heard her out. And like I said- it doesn't sound like that bad of a gig & she would make money fast & she's in desperate need of money right now. So, I told her I thought she should decline the offer but I figure she wouldn't and I'd love her either way. But as I hung up & thought about it more I thought- by doing this, you would be jeopardizing yourself & your future, you'd be disrespecting your family and your parents who love you & paid for you to go through school, you'd be doing something you knew was wrong because the price was right. There are things (and I know I'm guilty) we talk ourselves into or convince ourselves are not that bad because we really want to do them. Especially if the price is right, if the money is good, it's easier to convince ourselves. So at what point do we stand our moral ground? How do we get to the point where we stand firm in what we believe & choose to do what's right because it's right- not easy, just right? Actually- how do we get away from that?
I can't stop listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xq3BYw4xjxE&feature=share
We Are the Many by Makana
As I listen I think what a predicament our country is in. We live in a world filled with people striving for money and power- a world filled with people who would do just about anything if the price were right. We lose our morals because we'd rather have the money.
So, perhaps it's a matter of having a conversation you should have, of treating someone with respect, of making a smarter choice, of saying no because you know in your heart it's wrong, whatever the case may be- big or small. I encourage you (and me) to take a look at what's really important to us and how do we stand firm in what we believe and live our lives so that the words we speak match our actions.
As my heart breaks because of this madness & sadness, I try to remain faithful. I think of the many blessings in my life. I think of my little girl & the purity in her heart. I look at the turkeys we made with our hands & listed all the things we're thankful for. I think of my dear friends and their love and the really positive things happening in the world... like laughter and friendship and bubbles and colors and new babies being born!:) There's no amount of money that could compare to the way these things make me feel.
Monday, November 7, 2011
31 Things...
Here is a list of 31 things I've learned along the way. Some of them are bits others have shared with me & some are bits I've made up by myself. Some of these things I'm still working on ...but I know them all to be true... at this time in my life. They're not in any particular order... kind of like my life!
1.) You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.
2.)Actions speak louder than words. Words can still hurt-choose them carefully.
3.)You can't save people and no one (but you) can save you.
4.)Love simply to love- expect nothing in return.
5.)That being said-'the greatest gift is to love and be loved in return.'
6.)A good book can change your life.
7.)A good song can too.
8.)Good friends are worth more than any amount of money.
9.)Laughter really is the best medicine.
10.)Time does heal wounds.
11.)Don't give yourself, or even pieces of yourself, away.
12.)When you meet amazing people- be grateful, and be your amazing self back.
13.)Life is about the journey.
14.)Part of the goodness is in the mistakes you make. Hindsight is 20/20!
15.)'Don't fly to high, too far, too fast- there's magic here below...' Be present.
16.)Wherever you go, there you are... learn to love yourself- all the parts of yourself.
17.)Balance is key.
18.)No matter how bad things get- they can always get worse! Find gratitude.
19.)Go with an open heart and an open mind.
20.)When you have your health- you want many things. When you don't, it's all you want.
21.)Life is constantly changing, learn to dance with it.
22.)Everything that glitters is not gold. Find the true beauty.
23.)'Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure.'
24.)You have to accept whatever comes & the only important thing is that you meet it with courage & with the best you have to give."
25.)"The key to intimacy is the commitment to honesty & the radical forgiveness in order for honesty to be safe." -Marianne Williamson
26.)"It seems impossible to love those who hurt and disappoint us- yet, there are no other kinds of people." -Frank Andrews
27.)Giving birth is truly a miracle. (even though it hurts like hell & is not a pleasant experience!)
28.)Being a mother is the greatest gift ever.
29.)Family is important- more important than any riches. Cherish them, love them.
30.)Live life for You. Be conscious & kind & generous & courageous & thoughtful & have fun but be selfish in a good way.
31.)Laugh a lot, play, do things that you love, love everything & everybody, dream big dreams, know that you're the one that has to make them come true, dance through the rain & the sun, stay young at heart, learn to let go, don't take things personally, don't ever lose faith, find the goodness, learn your lessons, take responsibility for yourself, don't 'should' on yourself, stand up for yourself, travel, do things that scare you a little, keep growing, embrace the change, enjoy this moment- for this moment is your life.
Well, I could use a few more years! Anyhow, it's a good start! i turn 31 tomorrow and as I reflect on all the things I've done, the amazing people I've met, experiences I've had- I'm overwhelmed with love & gratitude. I am more blessed than any one person should be. I've got amazing friends & family & my health & my wonderful daughter. This life has been full of ups & downs but I wouldn't trade any of them- it's been a beautiful ride so far! I hope I have many more moons to go!
1.) You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.
2.)Actions speak louder than words. Words can still hurt-choose them carefully.
3.)You can't save people and no one (but you) can save you.
4.)Love simply to love- expect nothing in return.
5.)That being said-'the greatest gift is to love and be loved in return.'
6.)A good book can change your life.
7.)A good song can too.
8.)Good friends are worth more than any amount of money.
9.)Laughter really is the best medicine.
10.)Time does heal wounds.
11.)Don't give yourself, or even pieces of yourself, away.
12.)When you meet amazing people- be grateful, and be your amazing self back.
13.)Life is about the journey.
14.)Part of the goodness is in the mistakes you make. Hindsight is 20/20!
15.)'Don't fly to high, too far, too fast- there's magic here below...' Be present.
16.)Wherever you go, there you are... learn to love yourself- all the parts of yourself.
17.)Balance is key.
18.)No matter how bad things get- they can always get worse! Find gratitude.
19.)Go with an open heart and an open mind.
20.)When you have your health- you want many things. When you don't, it's all you want.
21.)Life is constantly changing, learn to dance with it.
22.)Everything that glitters is not gold. Find the true beauty.
23.)'Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure.'
24.)You have to accept whatever comes & the only important thing is that you meet it with courage & with the best you have to give."
25.)"The key to intimacy is the commitment to honesty & the radical forgiveness in order for honesty to be safe." -Marianne Williamson
26.)"It seems impossible to love those who hurt and disappoint us- yet, there are no other kinds of people." -Frank Andrews
27.)Giving birth is truly a miracle. (even though it hurts like hell & is not a pleasant experience!)
28.)Being a mother is the greatest gift ever.
29.)Family is important- more important than any riches. Cherish them, love them.
30.)Live life for You. Be conscious & kind & generous & courageous & thoughtful & have fun but be selfish in a good way.
31.)Laugh a lot, play, do things that you love, love everything & everybody, dream big dreams, know that you're the one that has to make them come true, dance through the rain & the sun, stay young at heart, learn to let go, don't take things personally, don't ever lose faith, find the goodness, learn your lessons, take responsibility for yourself, don't 'should' on yourself, stand up for yourself, travel, do things that scare you a little, keep growing, embrace the change, enjoy this moment- for this moment is your life.
Well, I could use a few more years! Anyhow, it's a good start! i turn 31 tomorrow and as I reflect on all the things I've done, the amazing people I've met, experiences I've had- I'm overwhelmed with love & gratitude. I am more blessed than any one person should be. I've got amazing friends & family & my health & my wonderful daughter. This life has been full of ups & downs but I wouldn't trade any of them- it's been a beautiful ride so far! I hope I have many more moons to go!
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