Weather

So I've always thought it funny that old people sit & talk about the weather! Not even just old people- my parents, my dad in particular! He's always talking about the weather. I usually just smile & nod because usually, I could care less or maybe I just realize that we never really know what's in store for us so just stop trying to predict & go with the flow?! Lately however, I can't help but talk about it- or just bitch about it! What a horrible winter we've had! We seem to be snowed in or iced or stuck in blizzard conditions more days than not. Ordinarily, I would just get out anyways- brave the day! But having a baby makes it harder. Why get her out if I don't absolutely have to! I mean, it leans toward child endangerment!!!

The other day we woke up to 1/4 inch ice covering everything! It was so beautiful though, so beautiful! I felt terrible for the poor trees, hanging on to their branches for dear life, weighed down by ice. It got me thinking how superficial & deceiving that beauty is! It's hazardous, treacherous even! It's like in Beauty & the Beast ...Gaston is this gorgeous (depends on your taste- I'm just trying to make a point here!) man- appears strong & brave but is totally disgusting & self centered & egotistical ...we all know the type! And then there's the Beast- A prince in disguise! I'd take a beast over Gaston any day! Although I guess you'd have to be the beauty to turn him into a prince... ugh, it all gets so complicated & I seem to have gotten completely side tracked!!!

So, the sun is shining today- for the first day since I don't know when. It is amazing what a little sunshine will do! We finally got out of the house & I got to go to work- I feel 100 times better- almost like a real human again! Oh how I long to live some place warm & tropical & beautiful again.

All this complaining has got me thinking... Things could always be worse. I feel horrible complaining because at the end of the day- I'm healthy & my friends & family are healthy & we've got food to eat & a warm house to stay in a warm bed to sleep in & cloths to wear, a car to drive... all these things. And there are people all over the world, or just next door even that face bigger struggles. Still, somehow I feel entitled -like I should have more or be more. All I really want is to be a person I can be proud of, a person that my daughter can look up to & admire. A person who is living the life she is meant to live. I don't feel like I'm that kind of person anymore. I used to be a person I kind of liked- sure I had my issues & my moments, but overall, I really liked her! Now, I can't seem to find her. There's a line in a song I like "if you met me today, do you think you would like me? I think I would punch me!" ...a little over the top, perhaps! But really, I've lost sight of who I am & who I want to be & it's taken a real toll. It's amazing what having a baby does to you. You change in so many ways- SO MANY WAYS!!! I emphasize because I didn't think it would be THAT big of a deal... it is! Maybe that's only the case if you feel defined by the things that you do or by the people around you?! I guess I did then. But, to some point, aren't we defined by the people around us & the things that we do, the things that we enjoy? You're just different with a baby- better, in many ways, but different. I think it is vital to hold on to the parts of you that you love, that make you YOU- but also to make room for newness, for the unexpected, for change!

It is vital that we look harder to find the light within ourselves & then live from that light. It is vital that we love the person that we are & that we are patient with ourselves- that we have the kind of patience with ourselves that we have with other people. It is vital that we keep dreaming & keep laughing & keep putting ourselves out there. It is vital that we take time to reflect & that we get enough rest. It is vital that we open our hearts to give & receive love! It is vital to give thanks everyday- for something, for anything, great or small- even if we don't feel really grateful for it...without it we'd be much worse off! It is vital that we take care of our beautiful & fragile hearts- if we don't, no one else will!

I was listening to a radio show this morning (by 'accident') & they were discussing the health benefits of spending more time in the buff! They had some great points & I think it is so true that the more time we spend naked the more accepting we become of ourselves & our bodies. The human body is, afterall, a beautiful & wonderful thing. I think it's terrible that being naked is so quickly associated with sex. Anyhow- perhaps that's the key... just spend a little more time naked each day!!;) PS- be cautious of letting too much light in, be sure to keep those curtains closed b/c apparently one can get arrested - even if you're in your own home. How ridiculous!