Christmas & lessons...

So, Christmas is almost here. Tomorrow is Christmas eve day. I started my shopping today. Note: please do not put off shopping until last day! Oh my. I have a way of being indecisive; it takes me so long to make decisions that by the time I finally make up my mind it's too late. For instance... My sister wanted us to come to SF for the holiday. I said I wanted to but didn't have the money. So, then my cousin & a friend said they wanted to go too & drive with. Well, they both ended up backing out & prices sky-rocketed. So now it's just me & the little one & 17 hours in a car in 3 days. Lesson learned- know what you value, know what you can do, do what's best for YOU & if it helps others then great! But don't wait around for them to figure things out!
I've been super sick now for 3 days. Like my head weighs 762 lbs. I had to call in sick to work today. I was going to nap & get some shopping done but then the sitter called & J was sick. So, I had to go pick her up- poor dear. Took her to the doc & he said she's got an ear infection. So, we're supposed to leave in 7-8 hours & I just don't know if it's the best decision. I really want to be there and snuggle in with my sister for Christmas & I really want to get out of this house for a bit! But, I really don't want to make the drive. Especially all myself with a toddler. Ugh.
To top it off... I'm really, really missing my family. I've been trying to decide if we should stay here or move back to Iowa. I love it here. I feel like we're home here. I love my job & have met some really great people. The ladies at work pulled together and gave me a really generous gift. They gave us money to help with Christmas. I'm overwhelmed at their kindness. Especially since I know everyone could use some extra money- especially this time of year. I don't feel like I can even accept it but I don't know what to do.
So back to the moving debate... I love it here & we're blessed. But, I think J needs to have family around & she's missing out on a whole lot of love being so far away. And days like this when I'm sick & can't be a great mom... she doesn't have anywhere to go & I don't have anyone to help. It's honestly all I can do to make her a piece of toast for dinner & watch a movie with her. So, for those reasons & the fact that I just can't afford to be here- to take her to swim lessons or dance class or all the other experiences I want her to have... I think it's time to move back. There's something really beautiful about a small town & the closeness it brings. I know a piece of my shuts down there & can't breathe! But, I think I'm going to have to get past that because the important thing is that our family is there. And at the end of the day- family just wins out. So, we've got another 2 weeks here in this place that I love so dearly & that has been our first real HOME. I cry when I think about leaving & mostly I cry when I think about packing it all up by myself & shipping it out & how we're going to make it all work!!! But, time to seize the day ...cherish the moment.
As for tomorrow & Christmas... I'm not sure yet. I think we'll still try to go but I'm just afraid the travel time won't make up for the fun we'll have with my sister. I want to be there- just don't want to drive!!! Merry Christmas!!!