lets get serious...

about Transformation.
So, you know those things in your life that don't serve you really but you keep them or do them or whatever... you don't let go because of one reason or another? And then one day... magically, by the grace of God I think, they vanish. It's a little painful- but you know it's for the best so you just tie your ego down and dance in gratitude for you are stepping further into your true self. ...that just happened!
I wonder a lot about friendships recently... and respect and gratitude and responsibility and honesty and humanity. And how all of these words have such different meaning to different people.
I wonder why sometimes it's hard for us to do the 'right' thing. There are people that we love and care about and people who have helped us tremendously or stood beside us and sometimes we aren't appreciative enough. I wonder how much we 'owe' people and why it doesn't always come natural. I wonder why some people are so afraid of communication or confrontation that they would rather sit there with a wounded heart, or ego, than talk about it. I get it, actually, I've been there. Mostly I wonder why I sometimes surround myself with the people that I do & call them my friends. I know deep down that they're not actually friends. They've been our family in a way but aren't friends at all. I know there's something deeper but they refuse to talk about it so I have no choice but to let it go. It's a bit unfortunate. But it most certainly is for the best. We're in a new home now, I'm ready to move forward in my career, my spiritual journey, as a mother & as a friend. I hope to do a better job at loving those good, honest, kind people that love me ...more than those a-holes who are perhaps a bit more exciting! I think it's not as fun to thrive off drama as it is to flourish in the genuine.

new places

So, we got all moved into our new place. Well, mostly moved it. It looks like a disaster! And, I'm still cleaning the old place! Never again will I clean a place when I leave... I'll pay someone!! Too much effort... would have been SO worth the money! Now I know!!
Anyhow- life on the 3rd floor is A-ok. There's a book by Iyanla Vanzant called "In the Meantime." This book changed my life. She talks about living our lives in the basement, cleaning house & moving up to the first floor, the second, third, and up to the attic where our true love waits- the kind where we love ourselves enough to know that that love is the only thing that's been missing all along. So, I feel like we were stuck between the basement & the first floor. We left behind a really wonderful space that served so many purposes. But so much has changed & shifted & ended & here we are- a new space, it's not Iowa, and it's on the third floor ...this holds much significance... I tell myself to make climbing all those stairs worth it!
Boys will be boys. And I've spent way too much time playing their games. I feel like everything up to this point has played a specific role. But, we've moved to a new place... it's 2012... I didn't run home, I'm taking time to ground & center... we're here... we're getting stronger & more authentic.
I'm ready to step into this. I'm ready to take a leap on this journey of transformation.