Setting records

I haven't written in a while because I've been so tired & that usually makes me feel pretty negative & I feel like if I don't have anything good to say, i shouldn't say anything at all.
Life is busy. I don't even work... maybe an actual 10 hours a week. I can't imagine what I'd do if I had to work 40 hours a week- how do people do it?
My daughter is almost one. I can't believe how fast the time has gone & the journey we've had. A baby's first birthday is supposed to be this big event! I really don't feel up to having a houseful of people, or renting a space & decorating with lots of stuff that's just going to end up in the dump, pumping my daughter full of sugar... it all just seems crazy! So, I've decided to keep it simple. We'll have a few close family members & friends, we'll have little cupcakes & simple homemade decorations & send evites & I have decided I'll bake her a cake... it just might be an organic vegan carrot cake!!! I've got to get on the ball with this. I have this way about procrastinating! I also tend to have these great big ideas & the follow through gets overwhelming! We'll see how it goes!

So, I started my yoga teacher training this last week. It's been amazing! I've learned over & over this week the importance of trusting my instincts. One Thursday, for example, J woke up sick & the wetaher was turning bad & I thought, I don't want to drive to DSM to do one massage but I can't just call & cancel- even though I think the client might... I'll just go. Well, what do you know! I get almost to work & my client cancelled! Also, I had been thinking about doing this prenatal yoga teacher training in CA in April. I wanted to do it but couldn't get my mind prepped like it was really going to happen. I sent the woman an email the other day asking her a few confirming questions & she wrote back that the traning had benn cancelled. It just affirms that we all hold the answers within us. When we ask a question- we know the answer. We just have to trust our selves.
My dear friend has been talking of Ahisma lately & it was brought up again in my yoga training. It is a vital part. I, too, wrote it on my arm to remind myself that when I start to think of all the things I haven't done or haven't done the way I wanted to, or the junk food I've been eating, or the laziness I've allowed myself to indulge in... I try to remind myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have & that is enough for this one moment.

This last year, I have lost so much of myself that if you asked me "So, who are you?" I wouldn't really be able to answer. Much of it is due to sleep deprivation & the rest of it is the many giant life changes that have occured. I wouldn't change any of it & I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that everything happens for a reason & though we might not see it at the time, it will reveal itself eventually. And it has. I am beginning to see.

I keep thinking that winter should be winding down. It's almost March. As I type this... it's still snowing. We're setting records now! I have decided just to embrace this winter- the challenge is on- bring it! We might as well set a record for most snowfall ...ever!!!

I wish I were with my dear friend, sitting on a beach, the sun on our faces, laughter in the air, rainbows in the distance, and perhaps even a cold beer in hand! A girl can dream, right?!