I've got my coffee & Pandora rocking & a few brief moments to write! I just finished reading my dear friends blog & it's one of my favorite things to do, other than to be with her in person or even to talk with her on the phone! She has a way with words. She has a heart & a sense of adventure unlike any other. She talks of rainbows & old cookbooks & gardening... & my heart leaps with gratitude to have a friend like this & I feel myself starting to dream a little & feeling a little bit more like myself!
I crave a little stability. I wonder a lot these days about the things that I'm supposed to do & the resistance I meet in doing them. I feel like everyone is trying to get me to move to Des Moines but I feel like I can't breathe when I think about it- like I want to dig my heels in the ground & stand firm & throw a fit if I have to but dang it- I refuse to settle in Iowa & build a life here! So I ask why? There is a great community of very supportive people here. I have my family here. It's affordable to live here... it really does have it's moments! And, it's supposed to get up to 35 degrees today!!! I want to put my feet somewhere. I want that stability. I just don't want it here. I somehow know that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be for the moment though & it's driving my crazy! I dream of Hawaii & of Colorado & of time with good friends... yet I sit here. So as I sit here, I try to remind myself that all in due time! Things are unfolding as they should & I am where I need to be. Ugh!
I know my calling. I am almost certain I know what it is! I am supposed to do massage & body work & energy work & teach yoga. The massage part I am doing. The daily meditation I am not. I love my yoga mat. It's my favorite place in the world... next to being with my daughter & the ocean! For some reason I am stalling so big & so bad & I don't know why. I have been practicing for over 10 years. People have wanted me to start classes but I lack the confidence. Now, I am taking a teacher training & I can't get myself to really participate. A part of me wants to jump into these books & onto that mat & stay for a few days. Another part of me just doesn't have the time & I find myself doing laundry or searching the web or planning my daughters birthday party, making her tutu, baking cookies, anything really instead of diving into that delicious yoga material.
I read in "Meditations from the Mat" the other day that "You can renounce bananas all you like, but if you continue to live in your banana home on your banana street, if you keep your job at the banana warehouse & hang out with your banana-gobbling friends, you'll be eating bananas before you know it." "Practice is doing the work. It is following up your intention with action."
So true. Get to work now. Quit stalling. How are we to stay true to ourselves when we don't know who we really are? How are we to know who we really are if we don't spend anytime in meditation or prayer? The world moves at a fast pace & it's all very loud. We need that slow, quiet time each day. It is vital to our growth.
No comments:
Post a Comment