Embarrassed!

I get nervous writing in my own journal- for fear that someday someone will come across them & read them & think- what a nerd! And then they will pick out bits & laugh hysterically & I would just never recover. So, blogging is a really big step. I avoid writing in too much detail & truth because I just can't bear the thought of someone else reading it!
As I grow older though, I grow more and more comfortable with myself. I remind myself that this is a journey and every bit of it -the thoughts, the feelings, the nerdiness is all very important. And, it's important to be vulnerable. Also, those people who would read it and laugh are just assholes!!!
Really, it only ever matters that we like ourselves. So, why do we get so concerned with what other people think of us? Like if you meet a guy & you spend days obsessing over why he hasn't called or what his text meant or if he's going to ask you out again... but you're not even sure if you like him. That's weird! We torture ourselves for the attention I guess. We all want to be wanted but do we really care to be wanted by people who don't want us? And we have to know ourselves well enough & be happy enough with ourselves & sure enough about who we are & what we deserve so that one guy we don't even know if we like can make us feel less than we are.
I'm 30 years old. I'm just now starting to come fully into my own. I'm not good every day but I see bits and pieces. I do have good days. And it's those good days or those small moments when someone give you a compliment that you fill up & get a little bit more confident. And bit by bit- the confidence overrides the fear and we get more and more proud of who we are- we love ourselves a little bit more. This is vital! And sometimes I'm embarrassed that it's taken me so long to get to this point and that I still have so much farther to go. But then, I have to remind myself... it's a journey! Every moment of this journey is just as important as the next... no matter how big or how small.