My fall-back plan!

Money is tight again... it is every 2 weeks when bills are due! And now, I may not be getting child support for a while. I wish I didn't count on that money but I do. Anyhow- I stayed up much too late Friday night drinking wine & making dinner with a neighbor friend so the little sleep, the hangover, and the budget cuts have put me into a whirlwind of terror! I'm tired. I'm sooo dang tired! I'm always stressed- even though I'm practicing living in the moment, trusting in the Universe, and taking one day at a time! Those things plus practicing gratitude and realizing that I'm always taken care of! Still though, I can only keep up at this pace for so long. If I get another job- it means less time with my daughter. The spa world will continue to fluctuate and I still won't have health insurance! I love my job and I love, love, love living in Encinitas! (I'm simply ranting! Thanks for bearing with me... I swear I'll make a point here!)
In the last few days I've convinced myself, once again, that I could move back to Iowa and be happy there. Not get a different job here or move to a different town or hold off freaking out for a few months when my daughters childcare costs go down or looking into health insurance options, etc, etc, etc. Screw it all- I'll just move back to Iowa. This is always my fall back plan. And it's a great one- let me point out... I have a most amazing family and they would help me move back & help take care of us when we got there. I would have help with my daughter, someone to keep her if I ever just needed an evening alone or if I wanted to go take a yoga class. The cost of living is so much cheaper there- I could afford an apartment or a house with rooms! We would have seasons.. which I only enjoy for about a week each... except for fall- I love autumn! I could go on. I find every good thing about that state & my family & I romanticize it all until it starts to look like heaven ("Is this heaven?" "No, it's Iowa!") instead of the hell I generally find myself feeling in when I'm there!
My point is here that with most big things in our lives- we have a fall-back plan. This is a good thing to have on one hand. It's good to be logical and to think things through and play it safe. But, when we have this fall-back plan, we tend to use it far too often. We play it safe, we don't go for the gold... we settle for the silver or the bronze mostly because of fear and lack of trust in the Universe. I firmly believe that if we listen carefully and honestly to our hearts (or guts) and are align with the ways of the Universe- if we're on our 'right' path then we will always be provided for. We lack faith,in general, as humans! It's a terrible thing!
So, get your priorities straight, cover your bases. but follow your heart! Don't be afraid to go for it! This is your life- you only get one go round!
As for me, I will try to sit in meditation and go to my mat (my yoga mat & my kitchen are 2 very good places! Oh, and the ocean, of course!) Anyhow- it's time to get clear. I know I have really big dreams in my heart. I know those dreams don't always flourish the best in Iowa. I also know that I'm tired! Family is important. I'll make my usual list of pros & cons & end up trying to make it work here because I love it! ...Until I decide to go somewhere else- like maybe Portland or Austin!!;) So many decisions... how will we ever choose? Where are my priorities? And how does what's "right" outweigh what's "fun"? Bottom line, I want to feel somewhat safe and settled and I don't know if I will ever know either of those things. I know for sure I have to work on the faith bit though. To jump, to take leaps, to dance with wings or know that I'll land on a sweet lily pad!