Calm

Things have been so crazy. Like deal-breaking crazy! I've been a mess. All the things going on in my head-like a hamster on a wheel, all the stress, all the trying to be 7 different women in one (sounds attractive, huh?!) finally got to me on a physical level. I've been so tired- like totally depleted, can hardly make it through a massage- much less a whole day tired. And I've been sick- like constantly nauseous & had headaches... I never get headaches. Kind of like the first trimester of pregnancy but dare I say worse?! Ugh.
It finally turned. Thanks to a nice walk by the ocean, a good talk with my life coach/chiropractor, talks with friends, bits of inspiration people have been posting like crazy to facebook, the dawning of the Age of Aquarius (the actual time, not the song!)! I'm so grateful.
I find myself in these dark places every now and again. And I love this foggy weather SO much but it feeds my mood. Then I get depleted of Vitamin D which just further exaggerates it all!!! I've started to notice these cycles in my life, these patterns.
Sometimes I like to sulk a bit... it just feels good (for a really short time) to lay in bed, to take a day off, to splurge at Target, or to bake, to listen to sad music, to drink too much wine, and to cry really, really hard underneath a great big ol tree in the middle of a park next to the freeway!
Action steps. It comes down to taking action steps... doing SOMEthing! Even if it's a really small step. And then give yourself credit for it. Don't be so hard on yourself (I can't help it). Love- love so big & so unconditionally. Love everything. Hurts & disappointments are real but they're hardly ever deliberate. Even if you think someone should know better... people don't usually intend to hurt us. So really- it's how we handle it. We always have a choice. Healthy food makes a big difference too. Sugar is a real killer... even though it's my drug of choice! oooo, or maybe caffeine!! I've been drinking way too much coffee! Physical activity is huge too. When you're feeling run down or down in the dumps- there's nothing like a good walk & some fresh air to blow the stink off you. Oh, and one more thing- finding inspiration in others. Picking out the strengths of your friends, admiring people, giving random compliments, watching a child laugh or play mom to her animals or sing songs. And my new favorite... pinterest.com. Dang that site is addicting!
I've been working on a vision board but have been lacking the motivation & inspiration- because of the above mentioned! So, a friend suggested pinterest & now I'm in love! I get to create an online vision board & change it whenever i want to & find inspiration from all kinds of creative people!
Finally, we had a really great weekend. We went to the zoo. We took walks, we got pumpkins, we went to the farmers market, we made banana & blueberry pancakes, we laughed a lot & played & colored & I realized just how amazing this little person of (mine) is. And I really just let myself love her instead of worrying about a mess or a bedtime or what she eats for dinner. And now it's Sunday night & the candles are lit & Pandora is playing a sweet Joe Purdy mix & it's warm & cozy in our home & there's just a sweet calm that's come over me & I'm grateful.